I just want to say that I'm getting fed up with the constant and never-ending stream of tasks that always seem to keep piling up.  I feel suffocated by everything, and when I take the time to breathe, I feel guilty over it.  Like right now, posting this entry is making me guilty that I'm not working... Sigh! 

I have already accepted my lot in life -- I will be the manager and proprietor of our five franchise sites.  It took me over three years before I became comfortable and adjusted with the concept that my Mom is passing the torch to me...

Year 1 was all about how eager I was to learn and find out what I could do to change the wrong systems implemented... Year 2 was the power struggle between me and my mom (er, my boss) and how a lot of my ideas met with resistance... Year 3 was my struggle with depression and quarter-life angst.  It was at this point where I was just going through the motions of work and I was so unhappy.  Jun and Arashi came into my life at this time and they gave me strength.  I felt so ashamed to be a fan of such hardworking and devoted people and I made a vow to be better.

And as of May 2009, I'm now on Year 4... the motivation is back, the desire to help my Mom and our family is back... and even my ideas for improving the business are back...

But why is all this financial crap happening?!?!?  I know 2009 is a year of financial crises, but can't I get a freakin' break??!!! It's like everywhere I turn, things are falling apart!  After I solve a problem, two more creep up on me!  Waaaaahhhh!  I sometimes have horrible thoughts that as I continue stepping further into my Mom's shoes, I will make one wrong move someday and it will cost my family bankruptcy or something close to it!

And what's worst about all this is I can't find refuge in Arashi or my writing because I don't have the time!  Now I feel guilty because I'm a fan who just keeps saving Arashi-related links for reading or downloading at a later date... and "later" doesn't seem like it's coming anytime soon!

Another fear is that I'me turning more and more cold-hearted.  To keep myself objective and to save myself the pain of growing attached to my employees only to find out that they are cheats, I've begun to look at them as assets versus liabilities.  I no longer feel any guilt when I fire someone or tell them they won't be regularized.  I am objective and impartial and I don't believe in giving second chances... and my Mom thinks I've become unfeeling and unmerciful... This makes me feel guilty for not feeling guilty...

So I live by deadlines, I keep feeling guilty when I play hooky and ignore my work, I haven't been writing and I've been labeled as "unfeeling..."  And all this is happening while I worry about business finance.  2009 is Arashi's 10th Anniversary... and as I take on more responsibility, it's become one of my worst nightmares...

I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown...!  Waaah!!!!!



P.S. This post should have been a happy-genki entry on the Arashi party.  But it morphed into an angst-ridden rant post.  Gomen!  Will post about the party next time.


 

I was watching "Planet Terror" on cable (I don't recommend this because there are just too many cuts)... and I became totally engrossed with Freddy Rodriguez... so much so that I googled and googled until I found myself looking at fanvids...

I find this 5'4 (he's shorter than Arashi!!!), 30 something actor absolutely hot.  I always thought he was cute and handsome but HOT was added to all those labels after I saw that movie.  Grungy and grimy isn't really my thing but there's just something about looking gorgeous even with unkempt hair, blood dripping into your face and an unshaven beard that caught my eye.  Plus, facial hair brings out the masculinity in a man's features...

Anyway, in the middle of all this research, I minimized everything and stared at my wallpaper of Jun... After a few seconds... my mind went "Sorry I'm ignoring you but this guy is just too hot! Not that you aren't but... aaargh, gomen!"  And then I went back to researching Freddy...

At around 2:45 am, I check on the fandom... and what do I find?!?!?

PICTURES OF JUN LOOKING SO FREAKIN' HOT AND KAKKOI WITH A STUBBLE ! ! !
(And I read that he plans to keep this look for a while...or at least for a few days)

I remember that Sho had a grungier look in that GnA ep where he and Ohno "leap on a pole and cross a river to the other side" -- don't remember what it's called... Anyway, Sho's look at that time didn't work for me but somehow Jun's look now does!!

Call me biased!  Heck, call me obsessed!  It's all true!

To Jun wifeys, doesn't it just make you "Kyaaa" thinking that's what he looks like when he wakes up in the morning, snuggling a pillow under his blanket and refusing to wake up even when his alarm clock is ringing??!!  Then he turns over and snuggles you instead, then you feel his stubble scratching your skin and you swat him lightly to stop him doing that and then...

KYAAAA!!!


*drops to the floor in a puddle from her own nosebleeds*

...

*The Jun wallpaper laughs over my collapsed body*

....

*And as I get up, I glare at him*

...

(Gomen, gomen, inner mind theater...)

XD

Anyway, as I end this post, I say to Jun...

"Fine! You win! You just erased Freddy from my head!! Happy now?!! You evil, evil man!!!!"

(Gomen, Freddy!!!)

.
.
.

P.S. To all those attending the Arashi Party on Saturday, see you there!!!  XD

The past three weeks have been totally tiring!  Work, work work!  And by the time I get to watch Arashi subs or check my LJ for updates, my eyes are drooping and I can barely stay awake...  I've been working at least 10 hours a day and I've had it!

So I went to Youtube today for the latest in Arashi kawaii-ness... and...

YEY for 5x10!  I love the melody (and I was secretly cheering as I listened to Jun's solo...)

YEY for Aiba's new drama! (I'm so happy for him and for all of us fans!!!  Papa Aiba!!)

YEY for all the Youtube clips of the improved HnA! (gotta love this new format!!!)

YEY for all my LJ friends who got tickets to Arashi's 10th year concerts! (Wah!  I'm so jealous!!!)

YEY for my ichiban who's about to celebrate his birthday! (This is his month but I'm not doing anything special... *feels guilty*)

And YEY for me moving heaven and earth in terms of my workload and schedule so that I can attend the Arashi/Jun party on August 29!  To all my Arashi LJ friends who were there at the Nino party... I am definitely not missing this one!... So off to Manila I go by August 27!  And I'm so thankful that all the things I need to do in Manila can coincide within this time frame!!!

YATTA!!!

XD

Author’s Notes:

 

No matter how many times I promise myself that I will update this fic more regularly, it never really happens… work or life gets in the way too often… so I will just write when I can and hope that I don’t drop the ball on this story. 

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Title: Kagami (The Mirror)

Summary: A young woman comes back to Japan to take over the family business, and in the process, she meets the man she’s meant to be with.  But is she smart enough to figure out which one he is?

Disclaimer: A fanfiction on Arashi-sama.

Rating: PG to PG-13 (just in case).

 

IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER/S, PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK TO TAKE YOU TO THE MAIN PAGE OF THIS FANFIC…

 

( Read more... )

 

 

My friend Amethyst and I were chatting and she confessed that she was in a "Sho phase" right now.

And so I recommeded she watch his performance of "Touch me Now" on Youtube. (It's my favorite solo for him because it makes me fan myself after watching...)

Then we watched Arashi performing "Everything" on Utaban, also on Youtube... and I just had to compare the two videos...

(talking with Amethyst)
me:              Sho danced really well in Touch Me Now...
                    He's definitely not Ohno, but it was good ...
                    (switches videos and watches "Everything" again for like the 15th time today)
                    However...    
                    Sho dancing with the other Arashi members just proves
                    that he's the worst dancer in the group
                    LOL...
                    Gomen, Sho!


And in Sho's defense....


Amethyst:     He is
                    That's because he's just really male
                    all male
                    unlike the others who are part fey... part boy... or part girl


Amethyst-chan.... you crack me up!  And I agree!!!  Nyahaha!!! To the Sho-ichibaners... gomen.... I love my ni-ban but I really think he's the worst dancer among the five...  XD 

(edited: Of course, for me, my ichiban is the worst singer among the five... but that's another story...)

Hmmm....

I think Amethyst-chan has now given me insight into why Sho often equals fail... :D

And she goes on to say... "Sho is pure male...... male, male and MALE!" 

To which I respond:  "Kyaaaa!!!"


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To my F-list.... in your opinion, who do you think is the worst dancer in Arashi???


(Arigatou to Mishi for giving me the link for the "Everything" performance especially since I still have about 500 entries to go in my f-pages before I'm up to date in the fandom)

In case you're looking for keira_aoi, she's been hauled off to Bohol for a three day vacation...  And while she's enjoying herself there, she'll try to recapture how she used to be, before Arashi...  before LJ... and before fangirling...

Hmmm...

How was that again?  LOL...

(Anyways, will try to comment or reply to you guys when I get back... Mwah!  And take care, Minna-san!)

Your Result

Congrats! Your true lover is Matsumoto Jun!
You are the type of girl that likes to keep to herself, and isn't really into hugging and all that kind of sweet stuff. But of course, during a very special time like Valentine's Day or Xmas, it is nice to hold hands once in a while. You are very romantic, and you look for the right moments for everything! You are a leader-type of girl... strong AND gentle! Matsujun loves you because you fill in his half... you two are perfect for each other! :)

-----------

I've taken like three or four of these tests, and my ichiban always comes up... Yey!

Too bad this will never happen in real life, LOL... But still, I can use this in fanfics, right?  Nyahahaha!!! XD

Author’s Notes:

 

Another chapter before I go on my hiatus…

Thanks for reading, Minna-san… XD

 

 

( Read more... )

 

Author’s Notes:

 

Gomen for the late update.  Since I made an LJ post before about why I haven’t updated lately for this fic… I won’t fill these author’s notes with excuses, ohohoho…

So anyways, I’m thinking the apartment building in “Kimi wa Petto” is a sample of what Jap ‘mansions’ look like.  And I don’t really know if there’s also a penthouse section in buildings like this in Japan similar to other countries, but I’ve applied that here.  My understanding of mansions is similar to paid for condo units… But to keep it simple, I’ll just use the word ‘apartment’ instead of mansion or condo…

Wow, that explanation simply reeked of OCD!

And now… on to the next installment…

 

 

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Uwah!  It’s been over a month since my last fic update… just goes to show that real life really does take a lot out of you… I've been pretty busy with a lot of things at work...

Plus, instead of writing during my free time, I’ve been obsessing over Arashi again and haven’t had the inclination to write.   So what about these awesome guys have i been binging on?

 

 

Author’s Notes:

 

Arigatou for all those who have left comments at my LJ account.  And Mishi, thanks for commenting in both Aibakaland and LJ, hehehehe, I’m still remembering the conversation we were having over that… LOL…

Something random about me… been busy with work, and I’ve been lacking energy lately, so that’s a bad combination… Why have I lost energy?  It’s because I haven’t eaten a single grain of rice since March 3.  And I only lost 1 kilo!  LOL…  Still that’s better than nothing.  I don’t have time to exercise and I gotta shape up to prepare for a summer outing by end of May.  So no to the food staple of Filipinos worldwide!  Say no to rice!!! (This is my current campaign slogan, hehehe)

Anyways, people have asked me whether this fic is Jun-centric… well, I don’t really know.  I’ll just continue to write this in 3^rd person POV and leave the plot to unfold itself… and when I say unfold, I mean that I still don’t have a clear cut pairing in my head.  I’m not being secretive about this.  I literally don’t know… hehehehe… gomen…

 

 

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For fanfic chapters under this title, please refer below and just click on the link:


RATING: Currently at PG to PG-13
STATUS: Chapter 5 finished (Ongoing Fic)
DISCLAIMER: Fanfiction on Arashi... so they aren't mine, I'm just borrowing them from JE for this story... :)
GENRE: Romance, some humor
PAIRING: Undecided, either Jun or Sho with original character
SUMMARY: A young woman comes back to Japan to take over the family business, and in the process, she meets the man she's meant to be with.  But is she smart enough to figure out which one he is?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please feel free to correct any mistakes I make in this fic, and that especially includes characterization. 
CHAPTER LINKS: Please click the links below to proceed to the chapter of your choice, comments greatly appreciated.


          Prologue

          Chapter 1

          Chapter 2

          Chapter 3

          Chapter 4

          Chapter 5





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Title: Kagami (The Mirror)

Pairing:  I’m still feeling this part out... so I’m leaving it blank for now.

Disclaimer: A fanfiction on Arashi-sama.

Rating: No idea yet for the rating, but for now, let’s leave it at PG to PG-13.

PLEASE CLICK HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE "PROLOGUE" FOR THIS FIC...


Otherwise, please continue...
 

( Read more... )

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<click here to proceed to Chapter 2>